Part 3 – In the Mind
Behavior and Self-Identity
Rebels with – a CAUSE / acCUSE.
rebel…pic
Self-validation blinds us when we focus too much on it for it is thinking about ourself, thinking about protecting ourself, our ego. When we listen carefully we can hear it in our everyday conversations, even casual ones / small talk. It comes out as spite and denial rather than an open and questioning mind. This attitude may be detected in the voice or body language when people are confronted with a new idea or potential experience. It often masks fear – a major component of pride.
Self-validation leads to rebellion. We rebel to maintain the “self” or self-image that we have created.
These days it is common to hear in the media (By gurus, talk show hosts, teachers, SELF-help folks, etc…) to “BE UNIQUE / special.” A conscious effort to be unique and/or special requires a conscious effort to maintain it.
Independent and Dependent People
Independent people rely too much on self-reward. Dependent – too much on proof from others
Role Model Expectations
When our pride instills in us a conscious or subconscious desire for people to look up at us / depend on us, it puts us in a position of thinking we have something to prove.
Assuming a role equals acting. A role in a movie. Role = ACTing. Not BEing.
acCUS(e)ations (Offensive Mechanism)
insults – offense pic
We are prone to make accusations versus others (or ourselves) implicitly or explicitly when we have a cause to justify our own existence. We seek to protect our ego that is reinforced with proving itself all the time.
Proving ourselves is at the heart of why we throw insults and be adversarial. We subconsciously need to put down others to keep ourself up / maintain our self when we feel threatened. It is not that we necessarily want to put down others, rather than maintain our rigid (or semi-rigid) self-image. A non-rigid self-image would be no image at all. No self.
Moron, idiot, ignorant, liar, conservative, liberal, dumb, nuthead, retarded, fatty, heartless, lame, coward, nerd, geek, jock, freak, naive, mean. The list of insults we use is mind-boggling.
(Refer to Appendix for a more complete list)
Some insults are projected outward, some are held internally as sPITE / PITY.
Thus, the more we try to maintain our self-image, the less we are able to see how we are trapped in the cycle of proof. For our energy is spent projecting labels (+ or -) / insults (-) outward or inward.
Positive Praise (Defense mechanism)
Boosting our Self-image, self-encouragement….
Positive Labels – Awesome, good, great, super, lovely
In other words, all those words above could be replaced by "positive" words.
More & More – More & Less
– The more we LABEL / INSULT / PRAISE others, the more we LABEL / INSULT / PRAISE ourselves.
– Just as the more we LIE to others, the more we LIE to ourselves.
- The more we LABEL / INSULT / PRAISE others, the less we see our OWN FAULTS.
- The more we LABEL / INSULT / PRAISE others, the less we pay attention to our OWN FAULTS.
- The more we LABEL / INSULT / PRAISE others, the less we see of their other qualities - positive OR negative. Depending on our value system - we see LESS of their POSITIVES, or when we are too focused on their "positives," we see LESS of their NEGATIVES.
Knowledge of good and evil
insert tree
Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Related to Tree of Life - see below.
As we label ourselves more, we become more adversarial as we try to maintain a particular image we have set for ourselves.
Idea Put downs
If we don’t put down others, we put down their ideas. – Closely related to accusations are idea put downs. For ideas also threaten our self-image which also includes the body of knowledge we have acquired. Another way of saying is when we subconsciously think to ourselves that “We always want to be right.” Although insufficient desire to be “right” results in BeLIEving rather than KNOWing. So two extreme ends.
Inertia of arguments / self-validation
Jehovah's Witness example. Perhaps you’ve been approached at one point or another in your life by a member of Jehovah’s Witness. They start a friendly chat then the conversion attempt begins. There is no point in trying to change their mind for it is already set. Not in stone, but hard enough at the moment – that change is almost impossible. It’s the same way with any argument – but rooted in “living the self-validation.”
Group-Validation
Jews attached to Israel. Arabs–Palestine. Nature, animal rights…any political or apolitical cause.
Competition
Isn’t competition the act of PROVING something to each other or ourselves? If not that “we are better” then to ourselves that we have “mastered some discipline / level of expertise.” Our tropies, awards, certificates, are evidence / our proof.
We enjoy playing games.
We enjoy praise, admiration –> a feeling of satisfaction on completing the cycle of proof.
Read gossip – because we subconsciously like to compare / contrast when we are in the cycle of proof. Read about people worse off and higher.
Keeping Up with the Jones / Mian Xian
Marriage, church going
For God / Heaven
just as we must ACCEPT ourselves and others as we are before we make real change (hitting bottom)…we must accept our natural status and walk down from the heights of the self…
–
Around the world – many people believe that they must please some invisible God. XXXXXXX
Some places – a physical embodiement of God – emperor, etc…
What if this is just a manifestation of the cycle / culture of proof? This culture of proof shows itself when we think that we must be “worthy” to please god / get to heaven. What if “God” wanted us to be in a state of NOT PROVING ANYTHING?
What if God is just a “projection” of our SELF, or “collective projection?” Of our strengths and weaknesses. A self that we want TO BE but are flailing in vain to find.
What if the SELF by definition is the problem? Thus, all attempts in whatever form – at finding / making peace with it is just an endless loop – the cycle of proof.
Ian Van Dahl - Castles in the Sky - Live Miming / Lip Sync Performance – Official Video
Also Cascada, DJ Satomi versions.
Why do we build castles in the sky? (Answerbag)
….. from website… / pyramids…skyscrapers
Castles in the Sky – fantasies
As a metaphor for a dream or goal, most usually an unobtainable one
– Note: God is not to be confused with the “Creators” –
Pleasing Others and Ourselves
If we are not living to please God then we may be trying to prove to others or ourselves our beauty, intelligence, strength, patriotism, (wo)manhood, and other attributes. When this desire reaches a heightened state it might be called narcissism or conceit.
some people have hard time saying no. some people have hard time saying yes
Relationships – Proof Positive (The Double Please)
One place where the cycle of proof has a particular effect is in our relationships. It affects our expectations and how we demonstrate our enjoyment of others. It leads to an attitude where we feel/think we must show we care. Also we expect people to care for us in a particular form. A form that is individualized.
Caring = proof of love when verbalized as obligations and/or manifested in the mind. This is opposed to just letting our actions come from “deep within the heart / natural instinct.”
Caring Intensity
The cycle of strength differs based on the kind of relationship.
Beyond more casual “friendships” or people we just meet are “love relationships / longer duration relationships – whether family or intimate lovers, or marriage partners.”
Family – since we have spent our formative years with these people – we look for approval from these people. Their opinion means more to us on an emotional level, even if it makes no sense on a logical level. We often have multiple cycles of proof with each person. For example sibling rivalry. A dependency on the cycle of proof builds – apart from any monetary / material aspects.
DESIRE FOR APPROVAL / PROOF OF LOVE
Manifestations of proof might include – fancy jewelry, expensive vacations, fancy dinners, expensive dates / outings, gift buying.
Cycle of proof leads to what daters might characterize as “game playing.”
The existence of marriage is also based on proof of love. Why must either party enter into a contract?
Changing the World
More LOVE others – more SELF-LOVE
out of desire comes attachment and out of attachment a (wo)man becomes deluded.
Love –> Fairy tale
– sports, hollywood, heroes –> Proof of Love –> Proof of Fantasy.
The point where a “natural” exchange of appreciation crosses into a conscious cycle of proof will vary by situation.
Seeds of Depression – Christmas (Cycle of Proof personified)
Christmas is about pleasing others with gifts and receiving pleasure by gifts of others. But, this event is a conscious effort, not “natural appreciation.” For it is tied to a fixed date and with holiday pressure, advertising, and conscious expectations. It is a CONcoction. It is not a “pleasant surprise.”
A side effect of the cycle of proof is sadness and/or depression – mild, moderate, or intense – for a short period or long. The more we consciously try to please / prove to others, the more we set ourselves up for disappointment and sadness in the future. For expectations seldom meet reality.
Sadness goes through its own cycle: denial – anger – bargaining – depression – acceptance.
See Appendix for Word DNA relationship too.
Cycle in the Scientific Method
Proof, proof, so much that many indoctrinated in the cycle of proof are unable to think beyond a linear mode – think “beyond the box” that they have created. The cycle of proof form of thinking is overly logical. Logic is a set of rules – yet to go in a completely different direction – to invent something completely different one must go by trial and error and be “truly free” – an implication of no or less rules. Guidelines – sure, but hard and fast rules – no.
Closely relate to this are Idea Put Downs as noted earlier. As the logical / inflexible mind is unable to comprehend a different way of learning / things that are incomprehensible to one’s logical rule-based world. Some notable quotes:
New ideas pass through three periods: 1) It can't be done. 2) It probably can be done, but it's not worth doing.
3) I knew it was a good idea all along! – Arthur C. Clarke, science fiction author
"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” – Arthur Schopenhauer, German philosopher
(Note: There is no general truth, only what turns out to be true to one’s self – personal truth).
http://www.ineedmotivation.com/blog/2008/07/45-unforgettable-quotes-about-ideas/
Courts of Law – adversarial
Another example of how deeply rooted the cycle of proof is reflected in our courts of law. They are adversarial by definition. Not only by two opposing parties, but by putting words on paper…????
No more JUSTice, JUST
More we judge others, the more we judge ourselves. (Similar to labeling / insulting others)
Genesis 2:9 – The LORD God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Genesis 2:17 – but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”
Not Worthy
A culture of proof implies that we are not worthy by just existing. We must substantiate / justify our existence.
A culture of proof –> a culture of ego. For the ego arises out of self-justification.
Our system is setup to expect feedback. Like the famous dog experiment of Pavlov, except we’ve conditioned ourSELF to be “not worthy” by our
thought processes / CULTure. These thought processes have been passed down from generation to generation,
and parents to children, for we learn by mimickry. The languages may have changed, but the attitudes have remained throughout time.
When our duty / reason for living is to prove to ourselves or others, it means –– we become our own adversary!! Our own enemy! Enemy –> INeME –> IN ME
Photo: Crispin Puga (Flickr)