The Cycle of Proof and the SELF
draft - much more text n photos to be added - to be split up
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It starts when we get a report card in school. Maybe even earlier when our parents/ family rewards us for our behavior when we please them / meet their expectations. It’s a feedback loop which develops into a mindset that we need to prove something to someone. And then eventually a mindset that we must prove something to ourSELVES. Eventually, perhaps a justification / self-validation for our own existence. Everyday busyness / business is sufficient for some. For others, something more grandiose. Empires have been built out of trying to prove something. The cycle / loop takes many forms. The desire for validation / proof may increase / expand from one area of life to others, until it encompasses every aspect of our existence from physical, mental, and virtual manifestations to our very sense of self. Self-Existence. What follows is an explanation of its existence and examples of how it relates to our behavior and our self-identity. |
Part 1 – The cycle’s growth pattern identified
Parents & Children
Talk about parents looking down at us rather than seeing us as equal.
Bible – Matthew 18 - The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
Home & School
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In school there are quizzes, evaluations, tests, achievements, rankings. We must constantly prove ourselves worthy. |
Race to Nowhere documentary
not just a recent phenomenon….been going on all over the world.
Adolescence – Sexuality, sports, academics, power of LIKE
In adolescence, social pressures increase forcing us to learn how to fit in. How to CONform. How to PROVE ourselves to others.
At this stage of life we learn the power of LIKE. We learn that the more people “LIKE US” the more we get invited to parties, etc… So we figure out ways to attract more friends. Proving ourselves on the sports field, academics, extracurricular activities, or at social events. From who can drink more beer at a party and who goes to more parties with “cool” people, to who scores more points in a game, and to who has a better GPA (Grade Point Average).
Boys learn to be macho to prove their manhood. In the form of muscles, athletic prowress, steroids, and weight training, or if not physical then with muscle cars, tech gadgets, and so on. In other cultures, men might have to endure physical pain of tattoos / body art, or learn to jump cows, or any number of human invented rituals.
http://www.cracked.com/article_16313_the-5-most-terrifying-rites-manhood-from-around-world.html
http://artofmanliness.com/2010/02/21/male-rites-of-passage-from-around-the-world/
Now, some girls are copying boys rituals for manhood and vice versa. Girls in athletics being one example.
For girls they must prove thsemselves
beauty contest for girls – makeup, hair coloring, implants, unnecessary surgery. anorexia
Celebrate Womanhood (OneIndia) – Girl's Rite of Passage - NatGeo
rites-of-passage-into-womanhood-in-native-american-cultures.html – http://www.mum.org/menarage.htm
From Girl to Woman – Thalia – Quinceanera – YT User Quinceanera
Sexuality
This is also the time when our hormones kick in and our sexuality develops. If we aren’t already conditioned to associate sex with power, money, and success – from media images, then the cycle of proof associates it with the power of LIKE. Some learn to use sex as a weapon / reward for proof. Often in religion, but not exclusively so, as religion also influences popular secular culture. The idea learned is that our body is a temple. Only the “worthy,” those who prove themselves by adhering to certain criteria, may “enter.”
One downside of this reveals itself in those who suffer from early sexual abuse / assault. Or date rape / rape. The victim’s cycle of proof as it relates to sexuality then grows from a violent event. The victim immediately feels not worthy – the “temple” has already been violated. This cycle of proof does not end until these victims realize that the body IS NOT a temple.
Early Sexual abuse – think not worthy – so try hard to prove themselves worthy in some other way – sports, academics, being nice.
So start labeling others…hatred toward rapists…shame…better explantion
Also copy to labeling / accusations.
We learn that we need to prove something to obtain sex. As opposed to it being shared more freely.
Nicknames
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The list of “nicknames” for what people become include – drama queens, studs, jocks, plastic, and so on. The power of like associates itself with our growing ego. Our sense of self. We learn to enjoy “stroking our own ego” in an unlimited variety of forms. We begin to hear compliments (comments) by others stuck in the cycle which drives us forward to ever greater feats / actions to impress others. COMMENT –> COMMENDation –> Re-COMMENDations The culture of proof is endemic in our entire system / CULTure. |
Adulthood
As we get older the feedback loop continues with more tangible rewards. On a general level – we perform a job and get a salary, which we use to buy stuff. A monetary reward --> material reward. ---> reward of security (retirement funds). The rewards are the culmination of many cycles of proof. By association then – proving something / anything is positive.
A recent news article on CNN talked about the psychology of banker bonuses. Changes were made in how bankers were paid with more of their pay coming in the form of salary rather than a year end bonus. Yet, even though their overall pay remained the same, some felt inadequate because their lifelong feedback loop of proof in the form of a bonus has diminished. We become conditioned to the rewards in the feedback loops we live in.
Every job today has a feedback cycle of proof. There are too many examples to list but some that come to mind are:
– Salespeople find their feedback in the numbers – of how many things/widgets and what total value they sold.
– A society’s proof of “good living” / culture is in the statistical indicators and comparison of well-being / success vs other nations / groups.
– A politician’s feedback loop is in how many votes they receive.
Status
The cycle intensifies our need for status as what we are willing to do to prove ourselves increases, so do the expected rewards. In a more material world it consists of – – fancy jewelry, expensive vacations, fancy dinners, expensive dates . Flashy homes and cars
It is a subconscious race to see who is doing a better job at proving themselves. Many are on the same treadmill. The cycle of proof treadmill. Everyone is on one treadmill or another until they choose and learn to get off. This is the “rat race” in it’s infinite variety.
CONfidence Boost / Self-Encouragement / Self-ReWARd
Sometimes our desire for proof comes from external sources / validation – as noted above. Other times, internal validation is favored. Another word for the latter is “self–motivation.” When we are self motivated we find ways to self-reward ourselves – a reward we can control. Often we are both of these at the same time, sometimes swaying from one method to the other for extended periods of time.
Self-reward often takes the form of food and products we buy after accomplishing something. Weight gain / obesity and gross materialism result when self-rewarding ourselves reaches a higher frequency. But there are other less obvious manifestations of the cycle of proof. Find them in Part 2.
The culture of proof is endemic in our entire system / CULTure.
Spirals & Heights
As we climb the steps of the cycle of proof ever higher, looking down becomes scarier and scarier.
We also become more conscious of time – for the cycle of proof demands we do more and more in a shorter period of time.
